For Want of a Toy

Raven tugged the collar of her cloak higher up, her neck and the base of her chin vanishing in a pool of material. Her hood gave a little more with the new leverage and she let it fall over her face, the slack folds covering her features more than usual. Now, more than ever, she realised just how far out of her comfort zone she was. Cautiously, the teenager cast a glance to her side, watching people shift aimlessly through aisles in the distance. She let out a breath she had been holding in satisfaction, realising she had some means of privacy. Through the safe confines of her hood, she turned back to shelving unit in front of her.

It was filled to the brim with the various plaything that were 'all the rage' these days. Blister packs on cards that hung on display hooks. Boxes with window's that showed off their plastic cargo. Crumpled, papery tickets that poked out from behind the clear display strip. A cluttered mess on the bottom shelf from where children and picked up things and put them back in the wrong place, or, hidden behind others to prevent anyone else from seeing them.

Toys.

Raven tried to retreat deeper into her cloak, the neck of the garment swollowing up to her mouth. Her plan had been both absured and simple. Simple, yes. She wanted to... was going to buy something. From deep inside the pit of her stomache, she felt a tiny warmth flicker. Warmth that was struggling to over shadow her embarrassment. She wasn't suppossed to be here. Children bought toys. Parents bought toys. Well-wishers bought toys. But she, she was buying for herself, and she felt no guilt for it either.

Logic would denote it simple: she wanted it. She had money for it. She had noone telling her she couldn't or shouldn't have it. Simple. Of course, logic can only go so far before cracks would appear in it's surface. Noone told her she couldn't have it because she hadn't told anyone about it. She had money for it, but she had money for other things too. She wanted it... but why? Raven had reflected on this before coming to the store. She wanted. Not needed, wanted. Want was not new to Raven. She wanted to be free of many of the things in her life, to be free of her boundaries.

But this.. this was a toy, designed to entertain and amuse. No, want was not new. Want for an inanimate object such as this was. And then again, she wasn't free of her emotional boundaries, which made a new difficulty rear it's ugly head. Fear.  She was afraid of what the others might think or say or, God forbid, do if they knew what she was planning on doing. But with the fear came it's own seduction, and a simple name came into her mind with what to call the object of her desire. A forbidden fruit.

She wanted something that, while ethically was fine, in reality was not. And it made her want it more. And so, her simple plan had formed. How she had prepared to be in this part of Jump City, which coincidentaly held both a Library and a toy department in a store. How she was returning a book alone. How she would be gone a while, but back by a certain time. How she would have been able to slip back inside Titans Tower and to the safety of her room where she could tend to her new prize, and then she would be in the clear.

So, Raven turned her head upwards, gazing at a line of plush toys made into the likeness of her friends, her team, her family. Teen Titans dolls, the money made from their sale going towards repairing and compensating the destruction caused by the various villians in Jump City before the teens would arrive and detain them. The Dark Titan scanned the hooks, various stuffed toys hanging respectfully in rows of dopplegangers. Toy Robin's, Cyborgs, Starfire's, Beastboy's, Raven's, Aqualad's, Speedy's, Bumble Bee's and even a twin set of Mas and Menos lay on display.

She was not a stranger to them: Starfire had bought several Aqualad toy's and left them around the Tower in an attempt to make Robin jelous. Which worked, because she found one that had "accidently" ended up in the waters around the island the Tower sat on. The plush figure had soaked up water, sinking like a floppy stone in contrast to it's counterpart.

Cyborg and Beastboy had also gathered an entire set, proping them on a shelf in the living room. Their plan was to eventually build a little model of the tower with the front wall missing, displaying the toys in little rooms.

Raven remembered with a faint smile how one day the toy set had been altered to display the Starfire and Robin dolls lying down, stuffed arms haphazardly positioned to look like they were hugging. The toy versions of herself, Beastboy and Cyborg had identical poses with their hands pressed together in front of their mouths, above their heads a sign that beared Beastboy's sloppy hand-writing with one word. "AWW!" Raven hadn't been there when Robin had noticed the little scene, but she did remember reading a book a few days later on the couch and looking up to see the scene changed, this time with an Aqualad toy replacing the Robin.

The Aqualad doll mysteriously vanished soon afterwards...

Since then, the shelf had been returned to it's normal status. Raven suspected it took a comprimise between the boys of the Titans: Beastboy and Cyborg agreed never to alter it again and Robin would leave it be. Irionically, the toy Alien and toy Boy Wonder were propped next to each other on the end, followed naturally by Cyborg, herself, Beastboy and the Titans East, before Robin decreed that it be 'unchangable'.

The sound of footsteps snapped Raven out of her thoughts. Out of reflex, she flew back, pushing herself to the back corner of the aisle. Even steps broke through the silence as a woman in the stores uniform walked past, studying a clipboard in her hand. Raven took a moment to regain her quickly-lost composure. Reaching into the folds of her cloak, she pulled out a watch face. In between the words "It's Hi Hi" and "Time", the digital display flashed. It was later than she would have hoped. Raven pocketed the Puffy AmiYumi watch and moved back towards the dolls.

Starfire and Beastboy together had bought five of the watches, one for everyone. Raven remembered Cyborg holding his up by the strap to inspect it, too polite (or wise) to upset Starfire. Robin followed suit, the only difference was he blushed and stammered a thank you, and Starfire beamed when he accepted. Raven remembered Beastboy pushing back his left glove, proudly showing off his watch on his wrist before handing her own to her. She remembered treating it with the same respect she did when both he and Cyborg had won her a giant toy chicken, and left it on the counter.

Since then, a combination of training and firing her starbolts had made Starfire lost hers. Cyborg was more than happy to replace it with his own, then later on, Robin had to replace as well. By this stage, the Princess had decided not to wear it, treasuring what she, to this day, still reffered to as "Robin's Watch". As for Beastboy, his watch was still on his wrist, or so Raven presumed. The last time she remembered seeing it was when the team had to work on Hotspot's temper problems. And her own watch, she retrieved when noone was looking, the same day that Beastboy had proudly pushed the box into her hands.

Since then, her own mix of teleporting, training and just plain battles had caused both straps to wear and fall off, but still, Raven couldn't bear to throw the time-teller away. It was a present, and while she felt the words "It's the thought that counts..." leave her mouth, dripping in sarcasm, she also felt her heart give a flutter just from holding it. So she kept it, consulting it when she was positive noone was watching. Back to the point, her faithful Puffy AmiYumi watch told her one thing. She was late.

Raven looked back up at the dolls. She couldn't help but feel like a child that had to rush to pick something before her parent's left the store. To take it, to leave it. To buy it, to abandon it. Raven's hand went up, shaking for a moment in front of the toy before grabbing it. She already wanted to bring it close, to give a happy sigh of contentment, but such things wern't becoming of her, and it could easily look like she was trying to steal the doll if she pulled her hands back inside her cloak. On top of everything, she couldn't take any attention to what she was doing, no matter what. So instead, she clutched the doll's body tightly. A part of her was afraid that if she weakened for a moment, she would let it go and flee, and she couldn't do that now. Not after all this.

Moving as quickly as she could throughout the store, Raven scanned the checkouts and nearly ran to get into an empty register before a woman with a large shopping trolley managed to snag it. She needed to buy it and leave: the less chance she had of changing her mind, the better. Dropping the toy near the register, Raven watched intently as the girl behind plucked it and looked it over before scanning the little tag on it.

"A Titan's fan, are you?" she asked, grinning and looking over Raven's cloak and the doll. Raven didn't answer, she just pulled out a Twenty dollar note and handed it over silently. The girl ignored her silence, and a stray thought ran through Raven's head. 'Probably trained to be so friendly...'
"Yeah, I like him best too..." the girl went on, accepting the bill and fingering coins out of the cash drawer to present back as change.
"Enjoy. Have a nice day!"

Raven picked up the toy and took her change, leaving the store. Turning the doll over in her hands, she picked at the tag. There was only one thing left to do now.

It was just a doll she had bought.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

The plastic tie on the cardboard tag was enveloped in a black aura, breaking neatly. Plucking the card off the doll, she stuck it in her pocket next to her watch and looked over the toy with an appreciating eye.

Now it was more than just a toy she bought.

"Now, your my toy."

************

The rest of the day was as normal as normal could be for the Teen Titans. An attempted robbery, squabbles at the Pizza shop over topping's, a movie rental, junk food, and more squabbles. All part of the healthy room-mate code-of-practice. Peppered of course with Starfire's misunderstanding's, Robin's remarks and Cyborg's logic, it was a typical scene. And last but not least, the cherry on top of the proverbial ice cream.

"Hey Rae! What would you call Robin if he was Lightning's brother?"
"Beastboy..."
"No, thats me. You'd call him BoyThunder!"
"....that was awful. It's only saving grace was it wasn't a 'Knock Knock' joke."
"Well, you never used to say 'Who's there!'"

Raven and Beastboy rounded the corner to the halls that held their rooms. The rest of the Titan's had long since left for their own quarters, leaving the shape-shifter and the empath to themselves like nearly every night the past few years. And like every night, Beastboy would tell jokes.

"Beastboy, when will you give up getting me to laugh. All you do is get on my nerves."
"When I get you to laugh, smile, or you kill me. Which ever comes first."
"You know you're closer to the latter than the former, arn't you?" Beastboy stopped and beamed.
"It'd be worth it."

Raven stopped next to his door, looking at him. The hallway had suddenly gotten smaller.
"Is it that important that I smile because of your jokes?"
"No. It's just important to me that you smile."

Raven couldn't help but feel that somewhere along the walk they had switched roles, and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards as she replied with what she called a typical Beastboy answer.
"Oohh, deep."

All too sudenly they had switched back and Beastboy was grinning madly. She had seen him grin, but this was a new record. The corners of his mouth were up to his ears, both of which were wagging happily.

"I got you to smile and I didn't die! Well, Im gonna sleep tonight!" And before Raven could do anything, Beastboy leaned in close and smiled, chuckled, and winked.
"So tomorrow I'm gonna work on getting you to laugh and not die. Night Rae!" And then he was gone, his door sliding shut behind him.

Raven didn't stop to dwell on what had just happened. Turning on her heel, she walked the rest of the way in silence. She toed her boots off as soon as she walked into her oom, walking barefoot on the carpet to her bed. Unclasping her cloak and peeling back her covers, she sat and relaxed a moment. Slipping under the covers of her bed, she thought back on Beastboy words, and just how close he had gotten when he had leaned in. Raven sighed and reached under the covers, pulling her new doll up to her chest. She looked at it, the lights of Jump City streaming in through her window, lighting her room. The makers got it right when they made them, this one in particular. The features were an exact match.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

The tag from the toy fell neatly into the palm of her hand as she summoned it, and turning it on it's side, she read the card in the light.

"Beastboy. A quick-witted changeling who can turn into any animal."

Dropping the cardboard tag over the side of her bed, Raven looked again into the face of the toy. Her toy. And her Beastboy toy happily smiled back, arms dangling around her fingers.
"You don't make me laugh. You make me irritated, annoyed and confused. You make me needed and wanted... and the way your going, you make me happy. But you don't make me laugh, not yet..."

The toy didn't change. It sat propped in her hand, smiling back. Of course it wouldn't change. Not now, not ever. It would forever smile at her. Just like the real Beastboy. Raven pushed herself down into her sheets, drawing them up over her shoulders. The doll pressed close to her chest, both of her arms holding it.
"But you will one day."